Your Kids Belong To The Media

December 1st, 2015 | S.P. 

Like rabid coyotes that caught onto the scent of blood, Canada's angry youth lurched into voting booths with bared teeth. The taste of Stephen Harper's cold, culpable flesh on their tongues was the rapturous delight they had been looking for all these years. The moment had finally come. The bloody feast was laid out in front of their drooling mouths and the rest became history.

Where could this blood thirst have come from? Was it the tyrannical nature of his leadership? Was it the black, leather muzzles he tightly tied across the mouths of every Canadian scientist with his own, bare hands? Was it his bitter, heartless refusal to spend our money on stopping bad weather from happening in places where bad weather has always happened? Was it his cold blooded promise to only take in a measly 10,000 Syrian refugees? Or was it his diabolically racist preference to take in the most persecuted of religious minorities and families? Could it have been his hateful, sexist preference to require new citizens to uncover their faces during a brief oath ceremony? What could it have been that drove this frenzied urge to eat Stephen Harper alive on October 19?

Had most of the rabid coyotes taken one moment out of their instinct-fueled frenzies to allow critical thoughts to manifest within their diseased minds, they would have realized that everything they had been told about their prey was either a lie or a fabrication. How different things could have been, had the coyotes not been rabid. How different things could have been, had Canadian media not fed the coyotes infected meat.

The Mike Duffy affair was overblown in ways that make the Canadian way of life appear too weighted down by entitlement for anyone to understand real scandals when they happen. Perhaps the bribery tactics of a Liberal fundraiser was a much larger and more ominous scandal.

Mr. Lougheed, 61, is accused of offering former Liberal candidate, Andrew Olivier, a government job if he would give up his bid for the party's nomination in the February 5 by-election. Mr. Olivier recorded a conversation in which Mr. Lougheed said Ms. Wynne wanted Mr. Olivier out of the way so her preferred candidate, Glenn Thibeault, could take the nomination unopposed.” – Adrian Morrow, The Globe & Mail, September 24, 2015

Perhaps another case of senate fraud could have levelled the hatred of the rabid coyotes, like the fraud trial of former Liberal senator, Mac Harb.

Harb, a former Ottawa Centre MP, faces one count of fraud and breach of trust. Harb was due to go to trial Aug 10, but 'the trial time has been vacated,' said his lawyer, Sean May.” – David Reevely, Ottawa Citizen.

There would be no hope for the hopefuls of truth, as Mac Harb's trial was ever so conveniently postponed until long after the 2015 election.

Incidents of true corruption would be quietly touched upon, but not firmly pressed, out of fear of swaying the hatred in the wrong direction – or equally spreading the perception of corruption beyond just the Conservative Party.

The young coyotes, with their school books and adolescent angst in tow, were growing more anxious to register themselves as participants in a democratic feeding frenzy of unmitigated hatred and wrath. How dare Harper and his Conservative misfits be the only criminals trying to win the privilege of national leadership?

Why not bring that hatred and ravenous hunger for Conservative blood to a boiling point? Why not convince the rabid youth that their right to participate in the feeding frenzy was at risk from voter suppression?

Elections Canada has quietly warned staff to be on the lookout for increasingly sophisticated tactics aimed at discouraging – or even stopping – voters from casting a ballot.” – Jim Bronskill, The Canadian Press, September 21, 2015

Stephen Harper does not want you to vote.” – Justin Trudeau

Yes. That oughta work. That will get the rabid coyotes even hungrier for Stephen Harper's flesh. But what about after the election, when no evidence of voter suppression surfaces?

Complaints about Conservative 'voter suppression' were unfounded. Mr. Trudeau alleging that 'Mr. Harper still has tricks up his sleeve,' in a thinly-veiled reference to inappropriate robocalls in the 2011 election, completely ignored reality.

Rather, voter turnout hit 68.3%, the highest turnout in over two decades. It turns out, when you have reasonable standards to allow 38 different pieces of identification, people will overwhelmingly use those pieces of ID and just get on with voting.” – Daniel Dickin, Huffington Post, October 23, 2015

That fixes that. By simply publishing how overblown and exaggerated allegations of voter suppression were, they absolve themselves of any wrongdoing. Honest journalism lives! At this point, what difference does it make? Harper is gone and the media magnates get to imagine that they were somehow able to maintain their integrity.

The rabid coyotes won this time, but the battle plans have already been drawn for the next election. After refining their talent for seducing and hypnotizing masses of freshly pressed young voters, the media has begun plotting the course for 2019.

Trudeau swept to power with a promise that he'll grow the economy, but most of what happens to the economy under his watch will be out of his control.” – Jason Kirby, Maclean's, October 21, 2015

That's right. Now that Harper is no longer Prime Minister, Prime Ministers no longer have any control of the economy. Stephen Harper's iron grip that drove Canada's economy into the ground is gone. Nothing will be Trudeau's fault from this moment forward. The economy will now steer itself and budgets will balance themselves.

Our historical analysis highlighted some key factors behind this subpar performance, reinforcing the conclusion that Conservative policies have harmed Canada more than they helped.”Maclean's economic analysis, “Judging Harpernomics”, September 26, 2015

There you have it. The economy won't be Trudeau's problem in 2019, unless it gets better. Canadians should have no reason to blame Justin Trudeau for anything, really. Unless the polar icecaps quit melting, we should have no reason to blame Trudeau for not stopping climate change by 2019 either.

Or wait just a minute...haven't the icecaps already stopped melting? Bloody hell, they have. As a matter of fact, they have actually begun to grow. We had all better start expecting Trudeau to have something to do with it, when Canadian media begins to proudly proclaim the young Prime Minister's almighty powers.

Despite the growth of Antarctic and Arctic ice happening right now, it will have been Trudeau's $2.6 Billion contribution to climate change that stopped global warming dead in its tracks by 2019.

Satellite data showed that the Antarctic ice had a net gain of 112 billion tons of ice per year from 1992 to 2001, but then slowed to 82 billion tons of ice during 2003 to 2008, according to the report, which was published in the Journal Of Glaciology.” – Kevin Byrne, Accuweather

If Canadian media ever chooses to accept this consistent growth (we shouldn't hold our breath), we should expect it to have something to do with Justin Trudeau's massive taxpayer donation to the fight against global climate change. I mean, what else could it have been?

Times have changed in Canada. Decades of security and entitlement have made it easy for media to find ways to exasperate the resentment being felt by smartphone-glued students and youth. With a lack of terrorist attacks or any real catastrophic collapse in economic fortunes, Canadians have lost the plot. They haven't had a dose of cold, hard reality for decades. Perhaps under this new, naïve Trudeau government, Canadians will be able to see the results of a hands-off policy toward ISIS. Perhaps they'll see the affects of Trudeau's rebirth of failed economic and deficit policies. Maybe by 2019, Canada will have undergone fundamentally negative changes under the leadership of Justin Trudeau. Unfortunately, while our youth remain captivated by false narratives and fabrications, we shouldn't expect such fundamentally negative changes to have any positive effects on their diseased minds. The only positive consequence that four years of Trudeau could bring about is that he might utterly bore our youth to tears and make them lose interest in the democratic process.

Here's to hoping.